Do you have “that friend” who always wants to talk about serious stuff at parties?
You know, everyone else is singing “Sweet Caroline” in a bar and there is that one guy trying to start a conversation about science or philosophy.
Yeah, I’m that guy.
I’m sure my friends find me a bit obnoxious.
I promise I mean well.
I recently asked a bunch of friends and acquaintances to answer the question “What is a racist?”
To be clear, the question is “What is a racist?” not “What is racism?”
The Answers
Before you read on, I recommend taking a few seconds and answering the question for yourself. It is harder than it sounds.
Here are three of the conversations I had:
Conversation #1:
- Person 1: A racist is someone who believes their race is superior to other races.
- Ryan: That’s clean. Do they have to act on that belief or just hold it?
- Person 1: Ummm… Maybe… Ummm… No. They just need to believe it.
Conversation #2:
- Person 2: A racist is someone who says racist things like telling racist jokes.
- Ryan: That makes sense. I wonder, though, does telling one racist joke qualify?
- Person 2: No, they need to tell more than one.
- Ryan: Maybe two or three is the line?
- Person 2: Maybe.
- Ryan: What if they haven’t told a racist joke in a year? Are they still a racist?
- Person 2: Yes. That’s pretty recent.
- Ryan: What if they haven’t told a racist joke in like 20 years? Are they still a racist now?
- Person 2: Probably not. I don’t think that would make them still a racist.
- Ryan: How much time do you think has to pass for the person not to be racist anymore?
- Person 2: I have no idea.
Conversation #3:
- Person 3: A racist is someone who treats people of other races poorly.
- Ryan: So, it is 100% about how they act?
- Person 3: Yes.
- Ryan: What if a person believes their race is superior, but treats everyone well? Is that person a racist?
- Person 3: No.
So, what is a racist?
The conversations raise a few possibilities:
- It is about what someone BELIEVES – Conversation 1
- It is about what someone SAYS – Conversation 2
- It is about how someone ACTS – Conversation 3
Conversation 2 adds the additional question of whether it is a permanent label or whether people can change.
Honestly, I’m still wrestling with the question myself.
This isn’t just a clever exercise in semantics.
We often use the single word racist to describe someone’s beliefs, words, actions, history and identity—and then argue without realizing we might mean different things.
Those differences affect what—or who—we condemn, whether we recognize change, and how we respond to harmful conduct.
We need to learn to talk to each other
The most important topics of our time are hard to talk about.
They are a little bit easier, though, if:
- You enter the conversation from a position of respect.
- You make sure you are talking about the same thing.
Try this with a friend:
“I get an email newsletter from this weird guy who asked his friends the question ‘What is a racist?’ The answers were all over the place. I would love to hear what you think.”
We need to learn to have difficult, respectful conversations.
We can’t put the world back together by avoiding the hard stuff… and the world is worth our effort.
Peace,
Ryan