Last week I shared a story of a time I picked up a wild python in an African jungle because I didn’t yet have a fully developed Prefrontal Cortex. You can read it HERE.
In that email we talked about the neuroscience of teenagers and risk.
Today, let’s take it a step further, and discuss what you should do with that information.
Teens don’t “FEEL” risk like adults do
Teens “understand” risk conceptually, but do not “feel” it in the same way as adults.
If that doesn’t make sense, think back to stupid stuff you did as a younger person and try to remember how you thought about risks.
The risks probably had a “hollow” quality, like risks you take in a video game.
Until they experientially “feel” the consequences
Consider me:
I understood that I could have gotten bit by the python.
I couldn’t feel the gravity of the risk.
Would I have “felt” the risk if the snake had bitten me?
As my grandma would say, “You’re darn tootin’ right!!!”
In an instant, the risk of picking up wild pythons in Africa would have become very real.
What does this mean for you?
Teenagers understand your rules and the consequences of breaking them.
But they don’t “feel” the consequences until…
… they experience them.
In other words, they need to get bitten.
Disclaimer: Don’t bite teenagers.
When you enforce your rules, you are giving teens the “experience” of consequences that makes the rules “real.”
So, do this:
Enforce your rules.
Immediately.
Every time.
BUT WITH CONSISTENCY AND RESPECT!
Don’t wait until their behavior is completely out of control.
This only teaches them that they can “kinda” break the rule.
Don’t enforce the rules sometimes and not others.
This only teaches them that the rules are arbitrary.
Peace,
Ryan