My brother is two years younger than me.
When I was in 4’th grade and he was in 2’nd, we got into a fight in the front yard.
I don’t remember what the fight was about.
I do remember that I was particularly mad. After I tackled him, I held his face down on the ground.
Our father saw me do it.
He was absolutely furious.
The conversation that followed was one of those parental life lessons that you never forget.
My father said, “Ryan, fighting is one thing. But NEVER EVER EVER humiliate someone under ANY condition.”
That lesson was burned into my brain and became one of my lifelong values.
Humiliation
Humiliation is bad for the person being humiliated, obviously.
It is also bad for the person doing the humiliation.
I believe it degrades the person’s humanity.
It is also dangerous.
Humiliation is Dangerous
I just read an academic journal article titled “Toward a Psychology of Humiliation in Asymmetric Conflict.”
One of its basic ideas is that extreme violence (like terrorism) usually comes from humiliation.
This line—in particular—caught my eye:
“…it is the… repeated, small humiliations that [can lead to violence]…
in the belief that attacking the oppressor will restore their sense of dignity.”
What does this have to do with you?
(I could tie this back to international politics, but let’s stick to how you enforce your rules at work.)
You have rules.
You have to enforce your rules.
You should always strive to do so, though, in a way that does not leave the rule-breaker feeling humiliated.
It doesn’t take much on your part:
- Try to talk to them where other people cannot easily hear.
- Give them a chance to explain their side.
- Be very careful with your tone of voice. A condescending tone of voice can be humiliating.
You will be much safer (and it is the right thing to do!). Oh, and it doesn’t take any extra time!
Have a fantastic week!
Peace,
Ryan
Citation: McCauley, Clark, Toward a Psychology of Humiliation in Asymmetric Conflict, American Psychologist, Vol. 72, No. 3, 255-265 (2017).