DISCLAIMER: This email is blunt.
I am currently working on developing a new way to teach how to de-escalate someone who is angry.
I have spent weeks on it.
Something just isn’t right, though.
Yesterday, the problem became obvious:
I was trying to figure out how to teach conflict de-escalation to people who don’t want to de-escalate conflict.
But who wouldn’t want to de-escalate conflict?
People who are more interested in RETALIATION than DE-ESCALATION.
The following comments suggest someone is focused on retaliation:
- “I don’t let anyone disrespect me.”
- “I only give people what they give me.”
- “I taught her a thing or two.”
- “I showed him that I’m not stupid.”
What’s my point?
I have two and they’re both blunt:
POINT #1 – If YOU seek retaliation…
If you see yourself in my description of people who are more interested in retaliation than de-escalation, you might want to reflect on and reconsider your mindset.
You will experience more conflict, arguments and violence than others.
Your sense of honor (or whatever drives your desire for retaliation) will make your life harder.
I promise you that de-escalation does NOT mean “giving in” or that you are “weak.”
POINT #2 – If YOUR EMPLOYEE seeks retaliation
If you have employees that fit the above description, don’t waste time on their de-escalation skills until you have helped them change their attitude.
Be warned, though. It is MUCH harder to change someone’s attitude than their skills.
If you can’t convince them and they routinely escalate conflict, you should consider letting them go FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY. In my experience, people who routinely escalate conflict are the first staff members to get punched.
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan