After my first book was released, a few people publicly called me sexist.
I was hurt and I immediately became defensive.
I am not sexist!
They are wrong!
Heck, I even think of myself as a feminist!
Just to be sure, I had a trusted female coworker read the passage to give me her opinion.
She looked me straight in the eye and said, “Yeah, it’s a little cringey.”
I was devastated.
I knew what I had written was problematic because I trusted my coworker.
But, honestly, at the time I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it.
I worked with my editor to correct the passage in the second printing, but I couldn’t grasp where I had gone astray.
Eight years later—a few days ago—I reread that section of the book, and you know what?
IT WAS SUPER CRINGEY!!!
With eight years’ space (and growth) I can see the problem.
Sure, I meant well, but I HAD inadvertently been dismissive of the very real challenges of modern-day sexism.
I stared at the page and said aloud, “Well, crap.”
I hope I am not defined by my mistakes
I hope that people don’t define me by my ignorance of a decade ago.
I am not the same person who wrote those cringey sentences.
I hope that my life is judged by the full measure of things I have done, both good and bad.
I hope people leave me room for grace and forgiveness.
But, do I define people by their mistakes?
Do I give others the same grace I want from them?
Or do I judge a person’s worth by something they regret?
Do I leave people room to grow from their mistakes?
Or do I presume to understand who a person “is” because I read a few bad things about them?
If I’m being honest, sometimes I am guilty of treating people in a way I don’t want to be treated.
This point in history
We are living through a point in history where our culture is very reluctant to acknowledge that people can grow, can apologize, can change, can improve.
It feels like righteousness.
It is usually self-righteousness.
It feels like justice.
It is usually cynicism.
We can do better.
We must do better.
It starts, though, with being honest with ourselves…
Peace,
Ryan