“I’m gonna kick your &$” Austin screamed at Ray.
“#&$ you – try it!” Ray screamed back.
Since Austin was closest to the door, I had him go outside to “get some air.”
He adjusted his shirt, picked up his bag, and walked toward the door. “You’re lucky Ryan saved your #$@! Next time I’m stompin’ you!” Austin yelled at Ray as he exited.
Less than 30 minutes later, both guys were back in the dining room and the rest of the evening was incident-free.
Later, when I reviewed these theatrics on our camera system, I noticed something…
22 seconds passed from their first interaction until I was able to get to them.
Do me a favor and count to 22…
No, really, please do it – I’ll wait…
It turns out 22 seconds is a long time!
There is plenty of time to do any one of the following:
- Punch
- Rush towards the other person
- Throw a chair
Not one of those things happened in the 22 seconds.
There are four stages of a fight. This was Stage 2… the “Barking” stage. (Last week was about Stage 1.)
Austin and Ray, like most other homeless people:
- Want everyone else to know they are willing to fight (the streets are dangerous).
- Don’t actually want to get into a fight.
Barking accomplishes both.
Bad news: Barking is loud and can be scary.
Good news: Barking is very slow and can be de-escalated fairly easily.
Here are some simple phrases I’ve used to stop barking – feel free to try them out:
- “C’mon guys, sit down – if you keep this up, you’re going to have to leave.”
- “That’s enough guys, please sit down.”
- “Jerry – sit down. Jim – sit down.”
Seriously, it’s often that simple.