Mike didn’t look happy as he worked his way through the crowded shelter dining room heading towards me.
Mike had been homeless for several years.
I knew him well.
I knew the conversation we were about to have wasn’t going to be pleasant.
“If you don’t do something about Joe, we will,” Mike hissed at me.
“What did Joe do?” I asked as calmly as I could muster.
“It’s what he didn’t do,” Mike said sarcastically. He continued, “Shower, brush his teeth, wash his clothes, wipe his ***.”
This wasn’t the conversation I was expecting. People living in homeless shelters are usually very tolerant of odor.
I promised to take care of it and turned to walk away. I heard Mike mutter, “Yeah, you take care of it or we will!”
When I was only 10 feet from Joe I understood Mike’s concern.
Homeless shelters generally don’t smell very good. Joe’s odor, though, was at a whole other level. My olfactory senses were overloaded with a cacophony of odors, some human, some not.
Ugh… this conversation was going to be almost as unpleasant as the smell.
The “Body Odor Conversation”
Few conversations are more uncomfortable than talking to someone about their body odor.
Unfortunately, if you work in or around homelessness, it is likely a conversation you’ve had (or will have!).
Next week, I want to share a tip for how to have the conversation.
This week let’s talk about when to have it.
When to have the Body Odor Conversation
My general rule is to only talk to someone about their body odor if it is so bad that it is ACTUALLY impacting others’ ability to use the room the person is in.
In a homeless shelter that’s a pretty high bar. (It still gets crossed regularly, though).
In a library, the bar is probably lower.
In restaurant, it is probably even lower still.
Ask yourself: would the average reasonable person not be able to use this space because of the smell?
A few tips to help you make a determination:
- Be careful of anti-poverty bias. People will often use mild body odor as an excuse to have someone who looks poor or homeless removed from a space.
- Avoid the “most sensitive nose” rule. Some people feel that public space should cater to their exact standards, including being odor free. One person complaining is rarely a situation that is bad enough to ask someone to leave.
- Be sensitive to disabilities or medical issues that can cause odor. There is a rare medical condition, for example, caused Trimethylaminuria (TMAU) that causes the body to produce a specific enzyme incorrectly. The result is that the person has a strong fish odor. It is not dangerous physically, but it is devastating socially, often resulting in anxiety, depression and paranoia.
Next week we’ll talk about a specific tip for having the conversation.
Our webinar this month is specifically about having the body odor conversation.
Have a great week!
Peace,
Ryan