I could hear Ronnie from down the hall and through a closed door.
My brain automatically tried to decide if Ronnie was “angry loud” or “not-angry loud.”
Having worked in a homeless shelter for a few decades, my brain has learned that there is a big difference and I need to figure it out quickly.
Ronnie was “angry loud.”
As I got closer, I heard another voice shouting back.
Uh-oh! Not good.
I ran towards the commotion.
By the time I got to the argument, Ronnie was talking to a staff member and his adversary was walking off.
While Ronnie was not yelling “at” the staff member, he was still REALLY loud.
The staff member smiled and calmly asked, “Ronnie, can you speak in lower case?”
Ronnie apologized and dropped his volume by 50%.
After, I pulled the staff member aside and told her, “I loved your ‘lower case’ comment and I’m totally stealing it!!”
“Acceptable” volume is not universal
People who grow up in loud environments may learn a louder “normal” than people who were not raised in loud environments.
So, generally, people tend to speak louder if they grew up:
- Near busy highways
- Near factories or loud warehouses
- In thin-walled buildings in cities
Children learn to talk louder—even shout—to be heard over the noise.
Where does society put highways, factories and poorly designed buildings?
In poor neighborhoods.
Middle class suburban subdivisions are MUCH quieter. Gated communities can be almost silent.
As a result, people raised in poverty may have a louder baseline volume than people raised in a middle-class or wealthier home.
Yes, there are people raised in poverty who are quiet and rich people who are loud.
That said, researchers have confirmed that louder volume is more acceptable in blue-collar communities. Gist-Mackey, Linguistic Inclusion: Challenging Implicit Classed Communication Bias in Interview Methods, Management Communication Quarterly, Vol. 34(3) 402-425 (2020).
Why this matters
If you were raised in a middle-class home, it is easy to judge people raised in poverty for being “too loud.”
The judgement isn’t helpful.
If you were raised in a loud place, you would likely speak louder too!
That doesn’t make shouting ok. It just means that loudness is not always what we think it is.
How to ask someone to lower their volume
In my experience, there are two ways to help someone lower their volume that are effective:
- Keep your volume VERY low. Most people find it uncomfortable to shout at someone who is almost whispering. They will naturally lower their volume without being asked.
- Find a non-threatening—even “cute”—way to ask and then say it in a matter-of-fact (non-aggressive way). I usually ask if the person can “turn the volume down” and then I turn an imaginary dial in the air. I also like my coworker’s request to “speak in lower case.”
Have a fantastic day!
Peace,
Ryan