I was 21-years-old and had worked at a homeless shelter for exactly one week.
I had the unearned confidence of youth.
It was later in the evening when I finally found time to grab a tray of food.
Pulled pork sandwich, Kool-Aid and something else (green beans maybe). Honestly, I don’t remember the vegetable. I definitely remember the sandwich.
A man came in who was very agitated.
Now I would recognize the signs of someone in crisis, but back then I just saw a troublemaker.
I didn’t handle the situation 100% wrong… But close.
My tone of voice was wrong.
My body language was wrong.
My words were wrong.
I now know that I activated his Sympathetic Nervous System, pushing him further into “Fight or Flight.”
Frustrated with me, he hit the tray of food out of my hand.
In slow motion I watched dinner fly in every direction.
The pulled-pork sandwich went straight up, spinning in the air like a sad little helicopter.
The top bun separated.
The pulled pork landed on top of my head.
Back then I wasn’t yet bald, so it was more inconvenient than it would be now.
A guest everyone called “Big Ride” picked pulled pork out of my hair.
That was my first lesson in de-escalation. It was not my last.
How I Learned De-Escalation
I learned how to handle conflict the hard way: by getting it wrong.
A sandwich on my head was funny, but there were other mistakes that were not.
Several almost got me punched.
Two almost got me stabbed.
Your team does NOT have to learn conflict that way.
Conflict Prevention & De-Escalation School
Next week we are launching “Conflict Prevention & De-Escalation School!”
This is the training I should have gotten when I started.
If you like our old trainings, you will LOVE this one.
The new series is:
- Science-Based – Built around Polyvagal Theory, which offers a more sophisticated understanding of “fight or flight” than older theories
- Trauma-Informed – Designed for real people in real crisis
- Shorter and Tighter – For understaffed teams that don’t have time to spare
- More Entertaining – The first training has a saber-toothed cat because saber-toothed cats are awesome (and can teach us about the brain)
- Immediately Practical – We show your team exactly what to say, how to stand and what to do when “the poop hits the fan”
I hope to see you next week!
Peace,
Ryan